Monday Coffee: Ps and Qs of Wedding Stationery Etiquette

‘Tis the season for sending out save the dates and wedding invitations in expecation of fun, guest-filled celebrations and writing out escort cards and place cards as wedding prep mode across the country is in full swing. The wonderfully talented and knowledgeable Erika Firm, stationery designer at Delphine and President of Chromatic & Co., shares some of her excellent tid bits on wedding stationery etiquette.


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Erika shares: Did you know? How to use honor of your presence vs. pleasure of your company:

Traditionally, the wording: “the honor of your presence” (or “honour” if you prefer … either one is perfectly acceptable) is reserved for wedding ceremonies that take place in a church or house of worship. “The pleasure of your company” is appropriate for all other types of ceremonies. The wording doesn’t reference the formality of the wedding. In fact, a black tie event should use “the pleasure of your company” if the ceremony takes place anywhere other than a church or house of worship.


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Here’s the scoop on who gets a save the date:

A save the date is a super way to give your family and friends a heads up so they can plan ahead, especially if they need to make travel arrangements. Save the dates should go out 6 months to a year before the wedding date. Who gets one? Anyone who will be invited to the wedding. This includes close friends and family who already know the plans. And for sure keep a list so you don’t forget to send an invitation to everyone who got a save the date.


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Photos courtesy of Chromatic & Co.

Who gets an invitation?

If you sent out save the dates, wedding invitations should be mailed to everyone who received a save the date card. Invitations should be sent out six to eight weeks before your wedding date (toward the six week mark is fine if you sent out save the dates … err toward the eight week mark if you didn’t, to give guests plenty of time to plan). Send a single invitation to couples living together. If children are invited to the wedding, their names should also be listed on the envelope. Whomever is listed on the envelope is who is invited to the wedding. Couples not living together should get two separate invitations, sent to the two addresses. It’s also acceptable to add “and guest” to the envelope if you’re unsure of someone’s partner’s name or address, though really how hard is it to pick up the phone or shoot off an email to find out your guest’s girlfriend or boyfriend’s name and address?? Don’t forget to send an invitation to the bridal party, parents and grandparents.


It’s also traditional to send an invitation to the officiant (and a plus one). It’s a great idea to send one to your photographer and videographer — this ensures that they know exactly where to show up, but also makes it more likely for your invitation to be documented in a sweet photo or film clip! Wedding planners, florists and other vendors also love to have a sample of the invitation as well — give them one in person in a pre-wedding meeting — it’s a great opportunity to touch on your colors and themes and tone of your event — and they can add the invitation to their portfolio.

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Thank you for sharing these gems of wisdom, Erika!

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